First, I’d like to apologize for this gloomy post. I just had to vent my frustration out. I don’t really want anyone to read this. I do hoped that somewhere someone who felt the same way as I do felt that we’re not alone.
I’m very proud of my emotional stability. I can focus on what I do despite some emotional disturbance happening. But lately, I found my self crying at night, trying to code my side project. I can do it, but it is really tiring, and finished only at half at what I can actually do. Stress is something that can make you stronger. I always felt that. We could enjoy stress, every bit of it, and then solved it. That’s what I always do. I always knew how to solve it, it makes me keep calm if I knew the way it was going to end. I once attend a class when the building suddenly shakes because of earth quake. Many of my friends became panic, but I naturally knew that I had to stay calm and let the other rushes to go out, in order for the evacuation to go smoothly. I even laugh it out. But this particular problem I faced now, it is beyond my control, and I can’t solve it. I just don’t know how to solve the problem. It’s not that I didn’t think about it. It’s just, there isn’t anything I can do.
Most problem will be solved if you tried hard enough, or smart enough. Stress is always a good thing. It becomes a challenge that will make you mature, either you succeed or not. It doesn’t even matter if what you tried is working or not. In the end its just about the problem is trying to make the best of you came out. But for some other reason, there are problem you just had to accept. Like a terminal disease, for example. Note that it doesn’t mean I had any terminal illness. My problem isn’t worse than that. But, I know it is getting worse, and it will.
Sometimes, you just had to accept, and let it go. Let the other judge you, you can’t control that, don’t mind them. You are a human being, you should express your emotions. We know the end of it. We already know the ending. It doesn’t matter what you do, the ending is fixed. You cannot change that. You have to accept it. You have to accept it.
The twist of fate is really something. It plays with you, and you are caught in the middle of it.